Dangerous Ground

It was almost three months after my 'funeral' that I realized the truth. It came as a complete but wonderful shock to me. Still, I was chagrined not to be the first to know. I rushed off to tell Grandmother, only to have her give me a warm but perplexed smile.

"Why yes dear, I was wondering when you would come tell me. I thought you knew already."

Later in my studies I would learn a much greater awareness and control, but at the time that was still in my future. Grandmother correctly interpreted my actions and stopped me from rushing off to try to find Brand immediately.

"He'll be back. Let him come on his own. He'll be in a much better mindset. Besides, you have work to do, and what good would he be just sitting around all that time?" It was difficult to hear but I minded her all the same. Another two months would slip by before I heard from him, a long and endless two months. Grandmother always admonished me the same when I got edgy waiting.

"Patience Celeste. You must learn patience. We'll find him if it's necessary."

Brand did return, wandering into the garden where I sat having tea with Grandmother one late morning. His entry explained her small enigmatic smile. He was, as she had predicted, in a light, airy mood and carrying several packages.

"Good morning" he nodded pleasantly, "may I join you? I have found the most amazing..."

As he drew near at Grandmother's nod his words faltered, eyes growing wider as they fell on me. A dozen different emotions flickered across his face, panic and astonishment among them. He dropped the packages as he rushed over, sweeping me out of the chair.

"Celeste! You didn't tell me! When?" he exclaimed, finally releasing me from the embrace. I smiled, delighted to have seen him so speechless.

"It's been a little over five months. Grandmother says she's a girl."

His eyes narrowed to slightly wary.

"No one knows, do they?" he asked anxiously.

A throat cleared from behind us.

"No dear, of course not. And you must be very careful to keep it that way, if you want that child to survive. Here, naturally, she's safe."

Grandmother stood, holding her tea cup. "You can't give your father any reason to even get a little suspicious Brand."

His face paled slightly, but he nodded looking back to me.

"She's right. Darkover is the safest place for the two of you." He sat down, holding both my hands in his. Grandmother walked out through the archway, smiling.

The baby squirmed and I pulled his hand to my stomach. He sat unmoving, his eyes fairly glowed.

"Are you happy?" I asked quietly.

"Whenever you are" he murmured.

We sat in the garden talking until we were summoned for supper.

Although he came and went briefly (often returning with gifts for the baby) Brand stayed in Darkover for the next 4 months. Grandmother was quite tolerant as long as my lessons and her schedule were not overly interrupted. She taught me a great deal about contolling one's own body during that time.

It was during this period that it finally occurred to me what was so different about him. The shifting, dangerous moods were completely absent and I finally dredged up the corage to question him about it.

"Brand?" I started hesitantly, soon after rising one morning. "You seem...so much happier here. It's almost like...well...like you're a different person now. Not in a bad way" I added quickly, "just...different."

He looked at me sharply and I caught the echoes of pain in his eyes.

"We all make our choices, but I can't talk about it Celeste. I'm sorry. If it makes you feel better, I am happy here with you."

I paused, trying a different approach, "Then maybe we could just, well, stay..."

I was distracted as he snapped his fingers, standing suddenly.

"Hey, don’t we have some work to do in that room you're turning into a nursery? We're running out of time. You wanted it finished this week, right?"

"Uh, yeah I did. Did you have some more ideas?" I asked him, slightly confused.

He nodded, giving me a quick kiss and offering me a hand up. He told me about several interesting things he'd found in shadow, that he thought were just perfect for the baby, taking me off to show me what he'd brought back as examples. I was rather caught off guard by the sudden change in topics and we were busy with the room for hours. I realized later how easily he'd diverted my attention, but I let it go like so many other things. It was not discussed again.

Return to Book Index of Excerpts from the Edge

Return to text Index of Excerpts from the Edge